I'm ready to give my heart away,
but it's not mine to give.
My heart is in my Savior's hands
for it's for Him I live.

I dance with Him,
my heart's first love.
He holds me in His arms.
I know His love is pure and true
and so, the dance goes on.

I stumble, yet He pulls me close,
His eyes locked on my face.
"I don't deserve your love,"I say.
"Yes. But that, my daughter, is grace."

Amazing grace. I smile and think
how you love a wretch like me.
Your love so pure and constant,
it's an amazing thing indeed.

For though your love remains so strong,
my heart is troubled still.

I long for "true love" here on earth
to be smitten and swept off my feet.
To dance beneath the moonlit sky
and give my heart away for keeps.

Why do I long for such a love,
for a man so brave and strong?
The very Maker of the universe gave up His life for me.
That is the ultimate love song.

So Lord, I ask and pray this day,
that You would keep my heart.
Hold it, satisfy it, nourish it
and keep it safe from harm.

I choose to dance with You, my Love
until the day YOU choose
to share my heart with the man of my dreams
and I'll share his heart with You.

and its getting o so hard to spend these days without my heart

When i made the decision to go to Costa Rica, i had no idea what i was getting myself and my heart in to... i should have known or at least guessed but i didnt. i knew ya, once it was over i was going to miss it..but not like this. Gods plan surpassed any idea or thought i had about costa rica. He worked in my heart so much and became unbelievably real to me. without my knowledge or permission my heart got so attached to everything down there. i met some of the most amazing people i have ever known. they are truly my family now and each have a piece of my heart. and thats what hurts. thats what kills. my heart aches right now. i may be back here in the states but my heart is not. everytime i even think about costa rica my heart literally aches and i cant fight the tears. i wanna go back. i dont want to go to ksu. i dont want to sit here in georgia while all my friends go off to school. i want my costa rica back.... but i know thats not Gods plan right now. i know His plan for me right now is ksu, as just a stepping stone to get to Moody. and i know He can and will do great things even during my time at ksu, but its just so hard. so hard to be in this place in my life right now. this in between stage.. between the best nine months of my life and hopefully what will be wonderful years of ministry and learning at Moody. i know God can use this in between stage for His glory too. its just so hard bc its not where i want to be. at all.

what a week

so its soo hard to believe but kosmos is actually over and my time here in costa rica is running out very quickly!!! its been a super busy and emotional week but i just thought i'd give a little update before i get some much needed sleep....
this week has been hard. i have been super busy. sleep deprived. emotional. stressed. but ultimately....sooo very blessed. reasons? sure i'll give you lots of reasons.
#1: 1200 costa ricans said they accepted Christ as their Savior
#2: about 4o american young people surrendered their lives to full time missions.
#3: i gave a freakin speech..IN SPANISH...in front of 600 + people....now if you know me. you know that is SO not like me....i don't speak in front of large crowds..i mean just about two years ago..i didnt speak. period. i had friends that called me the mute...if i ever uttered one word everyone would yell OMG EVERYONE BE QUIET SHE IS ACTUALLY TALKING!!!!!!!!!! and now this week i gave a speech in front of all those people...now granted i did have a major meltdown before...but my sisters helped me out a lot and God got me through it. i did it. and it just amazes me how God has changed me so much and by growing closer to Him i have gained confidence in Him and confidence in myself...im not the same person that i was. and i think God really used this year to accomplish that.
#4: ministry this week was just a huge blessing to me...each day we had three different services where a dif preacher would speak..but then we also had ministry time from 9-3. and well. the ministry we did this week just really reminded me of what we did when i came down here my junior year of highschool for a mission trip...except...different...this week we did door to door witnessing just like i did two years ago...however this time i was not the one being translated..I WAS the translator....two years ago i had a group of girls sitting around me in a school while i shared the gospel with them in english that was translated into spanish...this year i sat in a school and witnessed to ladies (it was a school for handicapped ppl) sitting around me..but in their own language. and that was just SO cool to me. that God has allowed me to learn this language...and that He helped me to use it to bless others and share the gospel with them....wow. it was just so cool i cant even really explain it!!!!!!!!!!!!
but ya. so stressful and emotional week...but also VERY good....yay God for all that He did. :]
not just in this week but in this year....its been so hard seeing bits of our family leave...but i know we will stay in touch and its time for us all to go out and continue making a difference in this world for our Savior.

peace out. i need sleep. so the end. :]

Well....it's been a while. a big long while...sorry I kind of suck at this. I'm just not very good at the whole journaling thing. But let's see. What has been going on lately....

UMMMMM.
ok. #1: los guido!!!! so i wrote a little while ago about our talent show..we raised $475 for los guido!!! but THEN bethany's parents decided they wanted to contribute and gave $500!!!! grand total...almost a thousand dollars. so that was absolutely fabulous! We went out and bought stuff a few days ago and now this morning we are about to go give it out! We ended up being able to make sixty packages...each with rice, beans, soap, tootbrush, toothpaste....then we also have notebooks to give out to the kids and like pencils and pens and stuff...and a buttload of donated clothes and shoes!!!!! sooooo im pretty stoked about all this. :]
oo and plus. with some of the money too...we had left over...we decided to give it to our cook dona rosario...sweetest lady EVER. and she really needed help with her rent..so we gave her money. but omg. even tho she needs it so much..she said her grandchildren need it more...bc they are twins and they have messed up legs and need special shoes..so she's giving it to them...she's so sweet. but ya. so we are going to hand out all the stuff this morning!!! I just pray that is a totally huge blessing to these people...OOO. omg. and i forgot the best part...each package also of course has a Bible too..and we wrote in each and every one! first just a little note...then key verses complete with page numbers...and then we highlighted the verses. So just pray that people will actually read these Bibles, and that it will change their lives. I just think it would be incredible if God used a simple talent show...to change sixty or more peoples lives..and next sunday the church at los guido found itself with sixty more members...wow...wouldn't that just be awesome!?! so PRAY!!!! :]

#2: KOSMOS and leaving.....
so. after our little los guido excursion this morning...we have KOSMOS meeting! and are gonna start helpin the groups comin in...I am sooo excited about Kosmos...I think it will be a fabulous week where so many peoples lives are changed...but with that excitement comes a little bit of emotions from the other side of the spectrum...first, anxiousness. this week i have to translate. :/ that just makes me a little nervous...i know i can do it. hopefully. but still...im nervous!!! and also now i've been told i will be speaking at our graduation. which is during kosmos. in front of 500 people. and im speaking in spanish. if you know me..u know i dont get in front of 500 people and speak. ever...haha. but i know God has opened me up so much this year..and made me a more confident person..so i know it will be fine and He will get me through it..but ya. another emotion...sadness.....with the thought of kosmos comes the thought that this is my last week here. that is so crazy to me...this year has flown by. and yes there have been bad times...but overall this year has been one of the greatest of my life. this country is now my second home..and these people are my family. i have new brothers and sisters that i have been with constantly for nine months...and i have new mommies and daddies who have loved me like their own children and been there for me when i was doin fine and also took care of me when i was sick. i love them all so much and now i have to leave them.....im so excited about going home but I get so incredibly sad thinking about leaving too....but i guess thats just life. things change and we just have to know that God has something else for us in the future thats prob even better and we can't let ourselves get caught up in the past...I've accomplished what God had for me here..and learned hopefully all that I needed to learn..and now its time to move on to bigger and better things..and who knows? maybe Costa Rica is in my future. I certainly hope i will see all these people again....but only God knows if i will see them again on this earth...and if not...i am looking forward to a huge family reunion in heaven. :]

well before i start crying now i'd better peace out....haha...plus i cant really think of anything else to talk about...and we have to leave soon for los guido....but ill try to be better about my journaling..ill def do some updates about kosmos. :] but for now peace out and God bless.

YAY GOD!!!!!!!! :]

ok so. follow up to the last post.....we had our talent show tonight. and it went SOOO well. everyone really enjoyed it and we had so much fun performing...also, somehow..no idea how..i won. crazy. but more importantly we now have raised a total of $350!!!!!!!!!!!!! how incredible is that!?!? and we still have a show on friday!!!! :] yay God. He is so good. thank you for the prayers and please pray for friday's show too and that we will be able to have wisdom on how to best use this money for los guidos! :]

eeeeeeeeeekkkk. :/

TALENT SHOW TONIGHT!!!!! :] :/
i'm soo excited yet very nervous!!! i don't remember what all i have said about the talent show..but here's a recap. we (GAPers) decided it would be fun to have a talent show, and that it would also be good because we could raise money for los guidos. what is los guidos you may ask? well. its a really really poor place here in costa rica. people here refer to it as "el hueco" or..the whole. because literally...its a huuuuuge hole in the ground...full of tin houses with a filthy sewage creek running through it and ya...you get the picture. so we are having a talent show tonight and also friday night. tonight Ron Bishop (founder and pres. of SCORE) will be coming along with several american groups that are here on missions trips, and then friday everyone from our churches here will be coming. we are charging about two dollars to get in so hopefully we will be able to raise a lot of money for los guidos!!!! :] one blessing is that one church, el impacto, already took up an offering for our talent show...70 dollars!! :] so ya. just pray tho that tonight goes well and that this whole thing will just be a huge success and a blessing for the people of this country! :]
gracias.

i don't wanna be a lame-o

i love my church here in costa rica. :] really. i do. the people are just so awesome. and by awesome i mean HILARIOUS, but also just sooo nice and incredible ppl of God. for example, Salvador, my youth pastor. he is rockin awesome. i just love him. and he said something that hit me just because it is SO true. he was talking last night about how our faith grows when it is tested. and it is tested through different trials or hardships. but most of the time the biggest trial God throws our way is a headache....maybe to see if we will still go to church on sunday mornin even tho our head is hurting a little. idk. but i heard him say that and i was just like....dang. sometimes christians (myself def included) can just be so...well...dumb. and not just dumb, but ignorant, lame, and just downright selfish. i mean but what he said is so true...our faith doesn't even grow because God knows we can't even handle a headache on sunday morning.....wow. i want to be someone God can throw more than a headache at and know that i will still remain strong and faithful. but in order to do that we have to be focused on God and not on our selves. there are so many things in this world that we place so much value on...that really are just so pointless. that is something that i have really come to learn down here. the world has such a control on so many christians lives that they get sooo caught up in themselves and just things that really are pointless and just a waste of time....and it just makes me so sad when i see that...christians ignorant of the fact that they only difference between them and the world is that they call themselves a "christian"....but in reality they don't truly understand the depth to christianity...and by depth i don't just mean all that there is to do as a christian, but also all the joy and peace there is to receive as a christian....idk. i dont know how i got on that topic..haha. just my thoughts for today...and well actually i've thought about some of those things for a while. but ya. just something to throw out there that God has been speaking to me about. :]

P.S. i think it would be cool to put prayer requests on here...or at least just things i am praying for that maybe you (whoever you may be) could pray for as well if you want to...and also it would be a way of just seeing God work and answer the prayers... soooo
lets see.
#1:my mommy comes to visit me on wednesday!!!!!!!!! :] im so freakin excited. please pray for safe travels and then just an awesome visit.
#2: for me personally because this last month will not only be busy but very emotional. i LOVE it here and know i will miss costa rica so much...but i also want to be home so bad. but please pray that i will be able to focus and just use every last bit of my time here
#3: we as GAPers are going to be putting on a talent show on tues and friday to raise money for los guidos( a really poor place here). please pray that all the details and such for that go smoothly, that we would have a good turnout, and that it would just be a wonderful time of fellowship and bring glory to God

the end. God bless and goodnight. :]